8 Months

Overall...

This has been the roughest month so far with three kiddos, if I'm being honest. It has been tough. I've been utterly exhausted and emotional, and just plain weary. Mark has been gone a significant chunk of the month between farming and hunting, and there have been exactly two days of the past four weekends where he has been home with us. We miss him, and I need him, and it's REALLY hard on all of us when he's not there. We go out to visit him at the farm so the boys can have tractor or combine rides, but it's not the same.

As you can see by the lengthy list of highlights from the past month, I've been working hard to come up with activities to enjoy these past few weeks of beautiful weather before winter sets in. However, with all that busy-ness comes the sheer exhaustion of keeping up with 3 busy little boys while doing all the things. Add in some moderately awful sleep deprivation due to a 3 year old with eczema and nightmare issues and a teething baby, and this Mama needs more Jesus than I take the time for on the average day. Jesus and coffee.

But the weather has been SOOOOO very kind to us, so it has been wonderful (pre daylight savings time, anyway) to be able to get outside in the evenings for 2-3 hours and just enjoy the gorgeous temps and fall colors before the inevitable winter sets in. It's what keeps me going and keeps us outside right now.

Highlights of this past month include (not many recaps here, sorry - this month has been too busy):

1. Lots and lots of playing in the leaves
2. A Day Trip to Humboldt (October 15) (recap here)
3. Celebrating Grandpa's 68th Birthday (October 18)
4. Pumpkin Carving (October 27)
5. Celebrating Mama's 35th Birthday (October 28) (recap here)
6. Schwalbach Fun Festival (October 29) (recap here)
7. Halloween Trail at Pioneer Village (October 29)
8. Trick or Treating (October 31) (recap here)
9. FINALLY getting Kendrick potty trained!!
10. So many visits to the farm for Harvest
11. Lots of time at different parks.
12. Numerous walks around Wolf Lake
13. A fun day trip to Sioux Falls with the boys to the Zoo
14. Two weekends full of hunting for Daddy

How Baby is Doing

It's sad that babies don't have pause buttons :( This kid is growing faster than this reminiscent Mama can handle right now. I remember my first harvest with just Cashel and how tired I was, and right now that just makes me want to laugh so hard I cry. These are rough days, these up at 5am and go-go-go all day with busy, non-napping boys.

Sleep is still really tough. I'm really tired all the time, even if I do seem to get a better-than-average night of sleep. Average, however, is in 90 minute chunks (if I'm lucky). Bedtime is a crapshoot these days as well. I used to be able to put him down between 7:30 and 8pm and know he'd be good until his "dream feed". However, now it's more like 8:30, and we have to take him down with us to put his big brothers to bed or else he just sits in his crib and screams. He always wakes up between 10 and 10:30 to eat, then I usually see him at 12:30am, 2:30am, 4:30am and 5:30am. Again.

Soooo...we're doing more supplementing. On top of the 1-2 bottles of formula he gets at daycare each day, which we started last month, depending on how much I was able to pump the prior day, as of last night, we're also having to do one 6oz bottle of formula before bed.

Ryan is definitely growing, up to 27.5 inches tall and 21lbs 13oz (approximately), but he's still in the same size everything from last month: size 3 diapers, 12 month pants, and 18 month pjs and tops. The 18 month stuff still is a little big on him, but he's definitely much too long in the torso for 12 month pjs and tops - at least the ones with snaps at the crotch.

As you can see from the above picture, EVERYTHING goes in this kid's mouth. This is my first baby who flat out refused a binky, so I know it's going to be a bigger challenge than we've dealt with in the past.

Ryan is not a big fan of baby food at ALL, but LOVES people food. He gobbles up veggies really well, and has an excellent pincer grasp. He doesn't mind getting messy, but without me feeding him on a spoon, he doesn't get much in his mouth, really.

Ryan loves to be right in the middle of things, and he loves to make lots of noise. He is SOOOOO on the verge of taking off walking, and loves to hobble along behind the walker on the carpet downstairs (he can't do it upstairs on the hard wood floors because it's too slippery and moves too quickly). He's SO proud of himself and it's adorable! Since we don't use the walker upstairs, he will push around this little play thing to get where he wants to go, and he just squawks super loud when he does it, as he's so excited. It's adorable :)

We've been in the thick of teething the past week or so, which has been rough. You can see his two teeth that he has right now the best in this picture right here. The one on his left actually is chipped on top, which is strange, as it was like that when it popped through already. It also seems like those two teeth are a little off centered to me, but maybe I'm just seeing things.

Apparently (at least so far) he hasn't had the bad diapers, but he does get a low-grade fever, so I ended up staying home from him on Monday for lots of snuggles, which were super necessary. It's so hard to see him in pain when they are on the verge of coming through, so we're hoping we have at least one more coming through early this next month.

How Mama is Doing

It seems the more I feel the need for a break from parenting, the clingier my kids get to me, so it's this crazy cycle, and sometimes I just need a seriously deep breath. And a break. But I don't really get much of a break these days, so sometimes I'll take a half day of vacation at work (or even a full day) just so I can have some "me" time. I'm in the thick of the hardest times of this physically demanding stage, and I'm SO very ready for Mark to be finished with harvest and hunting so he can be around more.

I swear I don't try to be super Mom, but getting out of the house in our own yard with all 3 kids seems a lot more exhausting than actually going somewhere these days. I mean, at least then I can strap them in the van and not have to worry about them So...we are away from the house a lot on the weekends, which is tough too. And I think we're all tired of it, but I also know that winters in Minnesota are VERY long, so we're trying to do things outside right now.

I feel like I'm just hanging on by a thread most of the time. And there are most certainly times when I'm cleaning up poopy underpants or cleaning up the fiftieth spill of the week where I say (out loud, nonetheless) that I don't feel like being Mommy anymore, and I want to be somewhere else. I love my kids dearly, but being needed all day and all night long leaves me utterly exhausted. And this month, it has been extremely hard to stay positive.

My eating has been ridiculous this past month with harvest going on coupled with some of the worst sleep patterns I've experienced in my almost five years as a parent. Exasperated eating has made a major comeback, and with my feet being ridiculously sore and having no space inside to do any sort of workout DVDs, I just have given up on making it a focus right now. I'm back up just under my pre-pregnancy weight again, which is a hard pill to swallow when I was about 10lbs lower than I am right now just a few weeks after Ryan was born. BUT...we've mostly made it through harvest, so I'm not getting myself too far down.

I'm having a really difficult time with nursing right now. I don't want to give up on it, but I'm just so weary of not being able to pump enough to make a decent bottle, but nursing Ryan all night long every 2 hours or less (which has been going on since the beginning of JULY), and this Mama needs her sleep. So, after today, I'm going to start giving myself a break and letting him have a bottle of either pumped milk from earlier that day or formula before bed.

It's really bittersweet, but I know I really need it. My mental health is starting to concern me on account of getting such abysmal amounts of sleep. I know I need to make a change with what I can change, and right now, I can change the whole having to support an entire other person's life with my own body part.

I know that with pictures of me smiling and looking fine, it's not something anyone would probably guess as far as me struggling. However, it's definitely something that sleep deprivation brings on, and I start just not being able to think straight, which is just not okay when I'm solely responsible for three little boys during harvest. Thankfully, I'm still more or less just talking everything out with Mark and trying to figure out what changes I can make to take the load off my shoulders, and that seems to be all I need to keep on going without a mental breakdown. But quite honestly, adding any more stress right now could very well topple the house of cards, so I'm trying to give myself a rest and a break. I know my limits, and I've reached them, so it's time for a change.

I've been taking Wednesday afternoons off just to take some time for myself, which has been VERY helpful. I may take even more time off if need be, as I can with work projects and such. But this year, I'm giving myself a break.

How Daddy is Doing

I hate to say it, but most of the time I have no clue right now, with as little as we've seen him the past month. I know he's sick to death of me being so negative most of the time, but he knows that isn't my normal.

I see him much more than the boys see him, as he and I get to still have lunch together most days, but between him being very busy at work and very busy with harvest and then hunting, and now basketball starts up, and NASCAR and football on Sunday and/or Monday afternoons, and well...it's a very busy time of year for him. He doesn't take much time for himself the rest of the year, so I try not to complain much when he's gone a lot in October and November.

As I said at the top of this post, we miss him a LOT this time of year. He has been busy hauling loads of beans or corn to the elevator, so we've been trying to make it out to the field for the boys to ride along with him as much as possible this month. The first half of the month, we did that a LOT, but after a while, we got bored of it, so we found other things to keep us busy.

The boys LOVE going to visit Daddy and Grandpa at the farm, so that has been a treat this year. Most of the time, though, with Ryan being so little, we just hang out in the field either in the van or wandering around. Next year he'll get that first tractor and combine ride for sure ;)

One thing is for sure: The farm is really where Mark just lights up. It really is fun to see him in his element, but whoa doggies are we ever ready for this busy season to pass! Mark is a fantastic Daddy when he's around, but man is it hard when he's not around to help keep these busy boys in check at home!

How Big Brothers are Doing

The boys are SO full of energy right now, and it's leaves me completely wiped out most days. Most days I have to wonder if our daycare provider pumps them full of Mountain Dew or something before sending them home, but I think it's just a typical 3 and 4 year old boy energy, which...oh man.

Both boys just ADORE Ryan, although we are on constant alert whenever Ryan is anywhere near them. Both of them just flip out when I snatch Ryan out of their arms when they're trying to carry him all over the house. I feel like I need a little cage to stick him in so they can't get at him sometimes. Even the crib is fair game for these guys.

It's really fun to begin to see all three of the boys interacting more together, and I just melt seeing the big kids encouraging Ryan so much. They're not always super nice to each other, but I know they love each other in spite of it.

We're approaching the winter season pretty fearful, to be honest. Fresh air seems to be about the only thing that really knocks the boys out at bedtime, so when it gets so cold here that they can't really be outside much, I'm hoping we can keep them busy!