To Ryan on your First Birthday

Oh my sweet little boy :) Words cannot express the joy you bring to our lives, Booboo :) It's hard to believe how much our lives have changed in the past year. It hasn't been easy adjusting from 2 to 3, but it's also so very hard to envision our lives without you. Man, were the days with 2 so much easier haha :) But really, it's not you, I think it's mostly just the ages your big brothers are going through right now. You're the easy one!

A year ago, I was snuggling you after an exhausting labor and delivery, and the world just felt right.

It's hard to envision you so tiny and helpless right now: You're so full of life and energy and gusto. Your smile is so contagious with those two enormous front teeth and that super cheesy face :) I love to listen to you giggle and your complete inability to hide your emotions.

Watching your relationship grow with each of your big brothers just melts my heart :)

It cracks me up to see you still suck on those two perfect little fingers, just like your Daddy did when he was little. We spent way too much time at the beginning of your little life trying to get you to stop before I started back to work before we just gave up and let it be.

Your "little" hands have grown so big from those early days.

You had (and still have) such a peaceful little face while you sleep :) I could watch you for hours, which I did while on maternity leave. You are still sleeping with Daddy and I at night, and I can't even sleep without you there at this point. I love waking up and staring at your sweet little face beside me, even if I could do without the hair pulling and face slapping at 3am for a bottle ;) Thankfully, those nights seem to be fewer and further between, so we're crossing our fingers.

If I've learned anything over the past five years, it's how fast these years go, and I don't want to change one single exhausted part of it. I may not always think clearly, but I'd rather be tired than miss out on these moments with you, little man :)

How the time has passed so quickly, I cannot tell you. Sometimes it physically pains me. I have to remind myself often that God has only just given you to us for a while, and we don't know how long.

There have certainly been days this past year where I wondered how you would make it out alive with those crazy big brothers of yours, but you made it out with flying colors, and I'm giggling inside thinking about all the payback they'll be seeing the coming year, with you being mobile now, and starting to climb. They'll learn soon enough that nothing is safe :)

I thought you were going to be my last baby, and as such, I've spent so many more hours staring at your little face while you sleep, taking it all in. It has been so good for my soul in the midst of a crazy, exhausting, tumultuous year for us. You have been my sunshine, as I've watched you grow. You aren't sassy and naughty and you don't talk back, and you don't have major tantrums just yet, and I've needed that this past year.

I'm nervous about the year to come. I'm nervous about the level of crazy our lives are about to endure. I know because we've been in the crazy zone since Cashel was about 15 months, and we're entering into that phase once again with you in the next few months. It won't help with your big brothers egging you on.

My wish for this year ahead, no matter how big my belly gets, how full my lap gets, and how exhausting my nights are, that you know how much you are loved. I hope that even through the fog sometimes, you clearly see the most important parts of life, that being our love for Christ (and more importantly, HIS love for US) and our love for each other. Because oh man do we ever love you!

Happy Birthday, Ryan Charles!

Love,

Mama

:: ONE ::

Overall...

How in the world are we here? Today we're celebrating our littlest baby turning a whole year old. I'm going to be honest: I wasn't so sure we'd make it through this first year, but we're just beginning to not just survive, but thrive these days.

How Baby is Doing

Ryan is sugar and spice and everything nice most of the time...unless he's hungry, overly tired, or feeling overwhelmed. In that case, he's clingy, whiny and sucks his two fingers a LOT. We're still dealing with separation anxiety, although mostly just on the weekends.

Speaking of sucking on those two fingers: I'm growing more and more concerned about how this transition is going to go eventually when he has to stop doing this. He has grown more and more attached to them than ever before.

Ryan is walking a good 95% of the time now, and oh my goodness is he ever getting faster! I still blink in disbelief when I look across the room and he's toddling over to look at something, or from one piece of furniture to another one. He looks so much bigger when he's standing up.

We're finally down to just the two naps, and hoping that before long we can turn that into one long one and call it good! The kid likes to sleep a lot on the weekends if we're not busy and he can. However, I wasn't expecting the nap he would cut would be his MORNING one first, but that seems to be the trend. We catch him on the weekends like this a LOT haha

I'm afraid to even say it, but he's sleeping through the night without waking for a bottle finally! It has been about two weeks now, and I'm loving it! He does still wake and fidget occasionally, and I'm hoping that doesn't transition into trouble when we switch him to his big boy bed this coming month. He hasn't allowed us to put him in the crib for longer than a 45 minute nap since he was about 4 months old, and we figure that we can either fight that and let him cry it out (which I have never done well with) or just let him nap and sleep in our bed, in which case he sleeps through the night and naps for 2 hours or more at a time.

Ryan is extremely opinionated right now, and he wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. If not, we see this face a LOT! This particular incident was due to him wanting my vanilla chai latte right before his nap time haha

He's really just the perfect addition to our family, and I'm excited to see how he adjusts to being a big brother in the last half of 2017. Nervous, yes, but excited :) He just adds a dimension to our family that we didn't know we needed! Man are little boys so fun!

How Mama is Doing

I told Mark a couple weeks ago that I suppose the waking in the night to feed a baby phase has collided pretty well with the need to wake in the night to pee thing while pregnant, so at least I get to kill 2 birds with 1 stone, right? This year has been one of the best and one of the worst, if that makes any sense. It has been emotionally a really hard year for me in many ways, but I just adore my little family. I'm glad we're past the worst part of the sleepless nights with Ryan, because I know they'll be here before I know it with the newest little one.

I'm certainly weary by the end of the day most of the time. I regularly will doze off while finishing up bedtime with the big boys, and end up soaking in an epsom salt bath before bed a good chunk of the week days. Sleep at night has been REALLY tough with being pregnant again. I don't regularly wake to use the bathroom, but I just randomly wake up and it takes me a bit to go back to sleep. I'm always grateful for the few nights a week when that first wakeup isn't until 4am or later, because then at least I just

I love Ryan's little quirks, like how when he gets tired, he has to suck on his fingers while tugging on my hair. And it has to be MY hair or else he gets all whiny.

If he hears my voice at all, he's not satisfied being with anyone else. Even at daycare drop off just recently he has been struggling BIG time and fusses when we drop him off. I haven't been to church beyond the nursery in months now due to his severe separation anxiety. It's heartwarming at times, but other times I'm just so ready for him to get over it. I'm beginning to worry that people must think Mark and I are having troubles, because he's usually in church and Sunday School by himself while I am in the nursery.

I know the separation anxiety has been a thing with all of my kids at this age, but I forget how exhausting it can be for a while.

How Daddy is Doing

We're all enjoying having Mark home, as we know just a handful of weeks from now we'll likely be in the midst of planting season again, and that's always a tinge more challenging for the rest of us. We just can't wait for the weather to get nicer so we can get outside and enjoy more time DOING things beyond sitting around at home all the time.

Daddy and Ryan love to snuggle together on the weekends and evenings when I need to make supper or go to the gym or the like. He tends to nap the longest and best when it's with Daddy. I suppose that's because Daddy never puts him down to get things done like I do haha :) (In fairness, he never complains when I ask him to do something around the house)

Ryan's little face just lights up when he sees Daddy, and when Daddy is gone, he has started to ask for him, even if he only says a couple words. Mark likes to say, "Boo" and Ryan just laughs and laughs and laughs.

Mark is getting really bored of watching cartoons lately, so he tends to not join us as much anymore for snuggles and show times, but the rest of the day he still enjoys interacting with the kiddos a lot. We're all so ready for spring to come and STAY so we can get outside more and enjoy the weather.

How Big Brothers are Doing

Cashel and Kendrick just absolutely adore their little brother, even if the two of them don't get along that great a lot of the time. I have a feeling our kiddos are all going to end up being REALLY close, which is really sweet. They always like to include Ryan in whatever they're doing (even if Ryan has no desire to do what they're doing). It's adorable to watch their little dance parties, and to watch their excitement when Ryan learns to do something new, like crawl, stand up by himself, and now walk.

They have all been SO EXCITED for Ryan's birthday party, and have been so eager to help out. I mean, decorating cupcakes have been at the VERY top of their list for a few days now haha We can only hope they all are just as in love with their new baby sibling when he or she arrives in late July or early August!

Milestones: Walking EVERYWHERE (11 Months)

He is on the move and there is no stopping him now! Ryan is walking (gingerly, of course) the vast majority of the time now. I felt bad when Mark reminded me the other day that I hadn't taken any video of him walking yet. I mean, I got his first steps, but haven't taken any video since then. So here it is :)

This has been going on the past week for the most part. He would take a handful of steps for probably the past 3 weeks, but just this past week, it seems to be his preferred means of transportation.

Here, a little before his first birthday, we're going from first steps to being quite the pro. He really started taking it by storm the week after our trip to San Diego in early February.

11 Months

Overall...

Things are going pretty good right now! We're finally hitting a groove with the kiddos, and I can hardly believe that I ordered Ryan's 1st birthday invites before we left for our vacation. Mark and I were chuckling the other day about how we've successfully kept 3 kids under 5 alive for almost an entire year. It's mind-boggling, considering how busy we are, how adventurous and curious they are, and how little we were sleeping there for a while. I still can't believe we're in birthday planning stages now :(

How Baby is Doing

Ryan is sugar and spice and everything nice most of the time...unless he's hungry, overly tired, or feeling overwhelmed. In that case, he's clingy, whiny and sucks his two fingers a LOT. We're still dealing with separation anxiety, although mostly just on the weekends.

Speaking of sucking on those two fingers: I'm growing more and more concerned about how this transition is going to go eventually when he has to stop doing this. He has grown more and more attached to them than ever before.

We're so weary of the transition away from this 3rd nap. He tends to take the 3rd nap about every other day, so we still don't have a good routine down for bedtime. We want to get to the point where we put him down before we put big brothers down, but every time I try to do a routine (bottle, books, singing, praying) like big brothers, he gets energized and wants to get down and start moving around and playing. This appears to be irregardless of if he took the 3rd nap or not anymore. It gets old. We love to spend time with him, but would rather he be getting enough sleep too.

Walking is in this kid's near future. We're up to between 6-7 steps, followed by periods of standing. He doesn't typically fall down anymore, he just decides he'd get there faster crawling, and so he sits down and starts crawling. You are more likely to find him standing or crawling into or onto things than you would find him sitting down these days.

Ryan is extremely opinionated, and don't you dare tell him what he is or isn't supposed to be doing. This particular meltdown was on account of me not being willing to share my vanilla chai latte with him. We see it a lot, but not because he's a particularly cranky kid, he just has started to vocalize his displeasure.

Ryan is sick to death of french fries at this point: Vacation eating is NOT his thing. He absolutely ADORES spaghetti, or anything else significantly messier than french fries. We've apologized (after cleaning up pretty good) at many a restaurant for the mess still left behind in his wake. I don't mind it as much at home, but eating out with him, it's just ridiculous the amount of food that ends up on his chair or the floor (or table). He LOVES to eat with gusto!

Ryan did great on his first two flights: First from MSP to LAX (4 hours 20 minutes) and then back from LAX to MSP (3 hours 40 minutes). I mean, we had some whiny, questionable moments during both, but none in which we didn't have him under control within a few minutes. Mostly, as long as he wasn't hungry, we were good. We were very grateful that we had 4 seats to spread him out into, as he was busy looking around when he wasn't sleeping. He enjoyed looking out the window with big brother Cashel :)

As I mentioned earlier, sleep patterns are in a transitional phase. He seems rested when he's awake, although I'm not sure how. He only wakes once a night for a bottle and is back to sleeping about two 6 hour stretches (if we have that long to sleep at night). At night, he sleeps from about 9pm-6am, and usually wakes up when we do. He fights night time sleep pretty bad (hence the 9pm bedtime), and always wants to wait until big brothers are already asleep, but doesn't do too bad with naps. He'll nap just about anywhere, especially in his carseat or stroller when we're out and about. Apparently he struggles going down for naps at daycare moreso, which I "get", since he tends to want to be held to sleep on the weekends for naps. We're VERY tempted to drag up the double mattress for nap times and bedtime so that he can crawl up there and just sleep when he's tired. It worked really well for Kendrick at 13 months when we transitioned him, and it'd be really nice to get him out of our bed, as we don't sleep anywhere near as soundly when he sleeps with us (nor does he). But he's not a fan of the crib at all because he doesn't like to be confined.

How Mama is Doing

I'm just beginning to come out of the 1st trimester haze, and looking forward to going into spring feeling good and a little more energetic. I still have my moments when I'm up in the night with Ryan and weary by morning, but overall, things are going well!

This little guy just lights up my world :) He's so sweet and happy and full of life. My favorite times are when we're just lounging around laying in bed, whether it be a weekend morning, lazy Saturday or Sunday afternoon, or as has been the case this week: Lazy vacation downtime. Ryan crawls all over us and gets right up in our faces and just giggles or laughs. We see his huge big front teeth all the time, and it just makes me giggle :) We'll tickle him and he just has the most enormous smile, and it's just incredible :)

It still is amazing to me that I've got 3 little boys who I'm responsible for most of the time. It's even more insane to fathom that we're going to have FOUR kids by the end of the summer.

How Daddy is Doing

Daddy has really come alive this past month. It's when he usually does with the kids: When they start really having an actual personality and are on the cusp of walking. I'm not sure what it is about that turning point, but I've noticed it with each of my kids. Mark likes 'em mobile, I guess. He's a toddler guy.

Winters are rough on him, as he really likes to keep busy and moving and get outside much of the time. But having 3 kids and being stuck inside most of the time, he just really gets more sedentary and loafs around more. (I can't blame him - I feel the same way a good majority of the time during the winter). To say this vacation has been a boost in mood is a huge understatement. It's hard to remember in the midst of the Minnesota winter that one day we'll be able to do wild and crazy things like...walk outside without bundling up in 7 articles of clothing, or...play tag at the park. Or pull out the jet ski again. Mark is most definitely a summer kind of guy. We all love summer around here!

Mark loves to tickle Ryan and hear him giggle and laugh. We play "I'm gonna get you" a lot with Ryan, and it's adorable. This little boy adores his Daddy, and is finally starting to be okay with Daddy and not just clinging to Mommy as much. Granted, we still have our days. All the boys love to pile on Daddy, and they also just love it when he gets down on all fours and growls at them. They have a very playful relationship, which is fun to watch!

How Big Brothers are Doing

Can I just put this out there: I am in no hurry for Ryan to start walking, but I am SO READY for him to start walking. I know. It doesn't really compute, does it? I'm not ready for him to be that busy, but I'm so tired of the big boys dragging him around, so I'm ready for him to be able to walk away from them, or even just tell the big boys that he can walk on his own. Because Ryan CAN walk on his own, he just doesn't do it all the time.

Ryan likes to be near his big brothers and is especially big into seeing what they're doing. He's very curious, and sometimes that drives big brothers a little crazy. Especially if he breaks something they're building, or messes up a game or puzzle they are doing on their tablets.

We have to keep an eye on the boys a lot, because Cashel and Kendrick love to pick Ryan up and then set him up on higher places, like chairs, the ottoman, beds...and then walk away. Ryan is getting a little better sometimes at turning around and going down backwards, but he isn't doing that all the time, so we're constantly on the watch.

We've given up on trying to tell them not to pick Ryan up, as he's a lot more stable than he was at, say, 4 months. It makes people around us have a miniature heart attack, I think, but we're so used to it that as long as they aren't choking him and he's not crying, we allow it.

The boys were all so giddy to be able to get outside while on vacation, which is a precursor and great reminder that Minnesota isn't always freezing cold and awful, not ALL winter.

We're anxiously awaiting the arrival of Spring, so we can make this outside stuff a more regular thing!

Milestones: First Steps

Ryan took his first legitimate steps right during when I was trying to take his 10 month pictures! He was taking 2-3 at a time before I started taking a video of it, so this is as good as we've got right now.

10 Months

Overall...

Oh my goodness has this been a busy past month! You can tell we've had too much Christmas when your preschoolers both ask, "Can Christmas be over now?" haha We did have a great time celebrating with family, though, and are so glad we had the chance to see everyone!

Overall, though, the month has gone well. We're all a little stir crazy with such a cold start to 2017 and ready to go on vacation in about 3 weeks to (it had sure as heck better be) sunny San Diego! I'm a little nervous about how that will go with Ryan's newfound skill: taking steps here and there. A 4 hour flight could prove to be really "fun". But really, anything to get away from these sub-zero temps right now. Brrrr!!!

How Baby is Doing

Ryan is such a sweet baby boy, and this in spite of all the craziness surrounding Christmas as well as a lot of teething, he is doing exceptionally well!

We are finally down to him only waking up ONCE in the night for a bottle (can anyone say "HALLELUJAH!"?), which leaves us all significantly happier as a whole.

He now has five teeth: his two top ones as well as three on the bottom, and we know it probably won't be long before he has a few more through, as he has the telltale diapers and chomping on everything in sight going on.

He knows exactly where the action is, and knows how to find where everyone is. He always knows where Mama is, and although we went through some separation anxiety at the beginning of this month, the only time he fusses when I leave is if I leave him somewhere he can't get to me if he wants to. Most of the time he's content as long as he knows I'm not behind a closed door or he isn't stuck in his crib or behind a baby gate.

Ryan is slowly transitioning to dropping the third nap in the evenings, but still seems to take entirely way too long to go down to bed at night. Some nights (okay, most nights) he doesn't go to sleep until about 9:30pm. This has been a frustrating development, as it means we have to take him down to help put his big brothers to bed, and that just drags things out down there, as they would rather play with Ryan than listen to stories.

Ryan loves to walk while holding on to everyones' hands. Cashel mostly likes to carry him around places, but Kendrick will hold onto his hands and walk behind him while he walks, and he gets such a kick out of that. He stands all the time anymore, but has only just started to take a few steps before he falls down. I'm still hoping we don't have a walker until his birthday at least, but it's not looking promising that he'll wait until then.

It's hard to believe that this little man will be a year in just two short months. We've got a busy next couple months ahead, including big brother Cashel's 5th birthday, and Ryan's first trip in an airplane for a family vacation to San Diego!

Ryan is starting to be a little stinker just since Christmas. He really likes to play peek a boo and wants me to chase him around. He'll crawl a little ways away, then turn around and look at me to see if I'm looking. If I am, he squeals loudly and then turns around and keeps on going. He especially loves it if I say, "No, no, buddy!" and the squeal gets louder and he laughs. It's really kinda adorable right now, but I have a feeling my giggles aren't helping set the right precedent haha

Ryan is a little human garbage compactor these days: He'll eat anything presented to him no matter what it is. Even if he doesn't like, it he just shakes it off and tries it again. He eats better than his 3 and (almost) 5 year old brothers many nights. We give him about the same amount of food as we have in the past, the difference is that while in the past, about 50% of it ended up on the floor and about 25% of it ended up either on his tummy or under his seat, now about 80% of it ends up in his tummy. He especially likes anything with meat in it - and LOVES diced up turkey smoked sausage, ground beef, shredded turkey or chicken, and anything with any sort of sauce. He also loves pretty much all cooked veggies - especially carrots and green beans. It's fun to have such a great eater! I'm hoping he's the ONE kid who actually skips the picky toddler stage. If there's anything you DON'T want this kid to eat, you've got to go to great lengths to keep it out of his reach, because if there's a way to get at it, he'll find it. (Noted from incident pertaining to Christmas cookies haha)

We have done a lot of traveling and stayed in two hotels this month, and Ryan has done remarkably well through all of it! We'll be doing this again in a couple weeks for Cashel's birthday weekend in Sioux Falls, and then a week and a half later when we go to San Diego for 5 days. We're hoping he turns into a good little traveler, as we just love to get away in the winter for a bit.

How Mama is Doing

I'm exhausted most of the time, even after these significantly better nights of sleep. I'm so fortunate that Ryan is such an easy, sweet little baby boy. I'm also fortunate that he only wakes up once a night these days.

I absolutely love the way Ryan's little face lights up when I smile at him. I do not absolutely love the way he wakes me up for his 3am bottle with a hard slap in the face and pulling my hair, though. lol He loves to grab my hair and either eat it or sniff it when he's tired or just feeling overwhelmed. I'm shocked I have so much of my hair left, truthfully!

We joined a smaller local gym in our hospital for a 3 month weight down challenge, which I hope will help us beat these winter blues. I mostly joined it just so I could keep moving, but wouldn't complain if I dropped a few pounds on top of it. I just miss our old gym that was so wide open with lots of room for free weights and a separate room to spread out and not bump into people. I may end up joining that one again for a year after I'm done with this challenge, but time will tell.

How Daddy is Doing

Daddy just absolutely loves little Ryan and has so much fun tickling him and picking on him. Ryan loves to crawl all over Daddy before bed at night, and likes to snuggle with him every night around 5:30pm while I'm getting supper ready and he's ready for a cat nap.

I'm rooting for him to win the weight down challenge we joined at the gym, and he seems a little more motivated now that I told him the prize is a $100 gift card to Scheel's. :) I think he secretly enjoys moving again, even if we're both so sluggish that a "workout" for us is nowhere near what it used to be. We'll get back there, though, I feel confident ;)

Mark has been staying busy this winter with Wednesday night basketball at the high school, where a fun group of guys gathers to play a few games, although my only request with this is that he makes it home by bedtime, so he only goes for an hour now instead of two like he used to. It's a good compromise for us, so that he still gets to go, and I don't come unglued at bedtime after picking up Cashel from AWANA.

How Big Brothers are Doing

Ryan is starting to roll with the punches with big brothers these days, and hardly fusses when they drag him around anymore. Kendrick is just starting to really come into the realization that Ryan is actually kinda a fun little dude. The two haven't really been super close (nothing like Cashel and Ryan) until just this past month. Both Cashel and Kendrick cannot WAIT for Ryan to start walking and running after them.

Cashel is constantly telling us every.single.time. Ryan stands on his own, and he comes completely unglued excited when he takes a step or two. It's cute ;) But Cashel (and Kendrick) both just cannot leave the poor kid alone! I'm constantly telling them to put Ryan down and to just let him get where he wants to go by himself. Cashel has this thing about putting him up on higher surfaces (couches, beds, chairs) and then walking away, so we have to really watch out for him, as he hasn't quite figured out how to get down yet without head planting. We're still trying to figure out how he hasn't fallen yet, but somehow we are always there to catch him.

We're very ready for winter to pass so we can get back outside again! This winter, although it had a later start than usual, has been VERY cold so far, and it's hard to take little kids out to play when it's below 20 degrees and windy. We haven't had very much snow, either, and none of it has really been great for packing, so they're antsy to build a snowman, but we haven't been able to.

Life with 3 little boys (especially with the youngest entering the busiest years of toddlerdom) is hectic and chaotic and crazy a lot of the time. Cashel is just getting to the age where he gets annoyed when people don't do things that make sense (of course, he is absolved from this judgement haha). He will be, unfortunately, in for a long ride through all these younger siblings and the 18 months-age 4 stage.

The boys really do all love each other, but I think it's safe to say that both older boys seem to have better relationships with Ryan than they appear to with each other. I know C and K love each other, but they're just at the age where most of the time they annoy each other. Hoping this changes in the next year :)